Now that I have your attention… ok, I will wait for you to stop wretching…

*Jeopardy theme plays in the background*

Done yet? Good.  *Ahem*  Sorry I did that to you, but it’s been so long, I needed SOMEthing to get y’all’s attention.  Personally, I think ol’ Sarah has a perfect face for radio… or snuff films..

I suck.  It has been over a year since my last post.  I actually started to write up a post back in MAY (!), but I ran out of steam, time, and ambition in the middle of typing.  Add to that a crazy work and home life, numerous computer failures, and we get to where we are today. January 2012.  Rock Your World Brewing Co., is still very much alive.  Sometimes, though, life and family need to take precedence over beer (I know;  I shock even myself with that).

A quick synopsis of 2011:  life-wise it sucked a fat one.  Brewing-wise, it was “meh”.  I didn’t meet my brewing goals, and to be honest, I haven’t really had much true desire to brew or even maintain the batches in progress.  I will get to explaining that more at a later date when I finish that post from last May (it will be only minorly edited for the correct timeframe).

2012 will be the year to turn things around.  I need to.  After all if Sarah Palin really does perform a nude review it truly will be the end of days.  Until that eye-melting sight occurs, though, we will be once again regaling you with brewing exploits.  I may even go back on my word and rant about those Keg Lines schmoes as they once again continue to slog through the world of beer mediocrity and misinformation.

Brew well, drink better, steady your pet and pet your steady.

Jeremy

I am done.

I quit.

I just cannot devote any more of my time and energy into these guys.  Really. I am through.  And trust me, it’s not me…it’s them in an incredible turn-around on an old cliche break up line.

For the love of all that is right and just in this world, they reviewed three beers from the G. Heilman / Pabst Brewing Co., as if they were the greatest thing to have been made with barley, water, yeast, and a total of 4 hop pellets per batch.  All three of these beers are rated with an average of a C on Beer advocate.  This is the same company that produces such winning beverages as Colt 45 (see what  happens when you sell your soul to the Empire, Lando???),  Champale: a malt liquor so heinous I can’t even find an old commercial or worthwhile graphic for it on the interwebs, and Lone Star: the very essence of Texas if you like to drink fermented cowboy pee that has been mixed with water from Galveston Bay, then run across the back of one of the fine ladies at the Oceanside Cabaret and into your glass….

hold on a moment….. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit…

Ok, all better.  And by the way, steak is much better the first time.

My point being here is that these guys have latched onto the “hipster” crowd.  PBR is what the cool kids are drinking in dive bars across the country because it is very retro in the red, white, and blue can, cheap as all get-out, and well… after 3 or 4 you can’t taste the distinct canned vomit flavor anymore.  It is widely consumed by 21-35 year old douchbags that think they are “retro-cool”, wearing their douchebag Ed Hardy t-shirts, and walking around thinking that they are sexier than “The Situation” (whoever the Hell that is.. I just read a passing mention of that asshat on Yahoo the other day)

Mmmm, sign me up for this fun ride.  “Drink Beer! Alienate your friends and make people hate you for being a schmuck”

So, I am done ranting about the beer guys.  This has become an instance of mind over matter.  I no longer mind, because they no longer matter.

***Management reserves the right to rescind this proclamation at any time***

So, now we get to the meat of the article here.  I have been lax and neglectful of my beer writing duties here this summer.  This does NOT, however, mean that I have not been brewing on some of the hottest days of the year.  (We artists must suffer for our art, you know…).  So, I guess to begin, I should mention the Blonde Ale I brewed for SWMBO… I mean,  my loving and ever-caring wife, Stacie.

As mentioned on my last post regarding America’s love of eating, drinking and “blowin’ shit up”, the 4th of July holiday would be incomplete if it did not involve some form of alcohol.  I had decided when I wrote the last post that I had just enough grain left in-house to brew Scream Queen/ Gentlemen Prefer a Blonde.  I was almost close, so i had to improvise.  This is what was brewed on July 5th, 2010 (with notes pertaining to substitutions):

• 4.62lbs Optic Pale malt (was supposed to be 7lbs, but I estimated poorly)
• 2lbs Vienna Malt
• 1lb British Mild malt (not called for in the original recipe)
• 1lb Flaked Rye (not called for in original recipe, preferable to flaked wheat due to less haze)
• 1/4lb Light Munich (again, not called for in original)
• Mashed at 150*F for an hour
• 1oz whole Willamette hops added at 60 mins (5.5%AA, homegrown)
• 1/2oz Whole Willamette hops added at 15 mins (5.5%AA homegrown)
• 1/2oz whole Willamette hops added at flameout (5.5%AA homegrown)
• 11g sachet of Safale S-05 dry yeast
• OG was 1.043 (same as calculated at 69% efficiency)
• color was very light straw… almost toe-headed
• IBU are around 27

The Mash and boil went smoothly, although I sparged quicker than I probably should have.  The sparge ran for 35 minutes, rather than the normal 60.  Had I slowed the runoff down a bit, we probably could have hit 75% efficiency on this batch.  We let this do its thing in primary until bottling it on 20 July.  This proved to be a pretty refreshing beer, considering the potpourri of grains that went into it in a CYA moment.  Most impressed, and likely to try this recipe version out again in the near future.

Throughout the month of July, I noticed an alarming and disturbing trend with some of the batches that were bottled in May, June, and early July…. they all seemed “off”, and were overcarbonating and had varying off-flavors.  Lost to the drinking public were the second batch of Great Potato Famine, the June batch of Hippy Bro, and the club brewoff Chocolate-Coconut Porter (batch one in the link).  Of undetermined health is the www.ipa.com beer that was brewed also with the Hippy Bro.

I think the issue with the spoiled batches is tainted racking tubing.  I started having issues with bad batches after I racked the Flanders Red Ale at the end of May.  I deep-sixed the racking cane and hose, and I am hoping that will do the trick (along with a “shock and awe” cleaning/sanitizing of all my fermentation gear).

This weekend past, I also had occasion to brew our annual Russian Imperial Stout: aka Romanov Family Portrait (fka Vlad and Joe’s Rockin’ Imperial Stout).  I was not sure I would get this one done, as I had a bunch of things to do on my “list”.  I woke up early on Sunday morning, mowed a majority of the lawn and decided that the beautiful weather was just calling for a brew-session.  Following is the beer we brewed on 8/1/2010:

• 20lbs Maris Otter
• 2lbs Flaked Oats
• 2lbs Chocolate Malt
• 1lb Roasted Barley
• 1/2lb Cara-Amber
• 1/2lb Cara-Aroma
• 1/2lb Dark Crystal (about 130*L)
• Mashed at 153 for about an hour

the boil was a special instance of splitting and condensing the sugars.  Due to kettle limitations, I am only able to collect 6.5 gallons of wort safely for the boil.  This recipe required that I collect nearly 8 gallons for the 2 hour boil.  I collected my main boil volume (6.5 gallons) in my normal kettle, then I ran off an additional 2 gallons and boiled that kettle separate… just turned the burner on and walked away for 2 hours.  In the “main” kettle containing 6.5 gallons, I added the following hops:

• 1/2oz Nugget pellets at 90 minutes (13%AA)
• 1oz Perle pellets at 60 mins (8.8%AA)
• 1oz Perle pellets at 30 mins (8.8%AA)
• 1-1/2oz Willamette whole hops at 20 mins (5.5%AA, homegrown)
• 2oz Willamette whole hops at flameout (5.5%AA, homegrown)
• 1/3 gallon straight yeast harvested from the brewoff porter and the Hippy Bro batches
• OG: 1.109 *vs a calculated OG of 1.122
• color:  light shall never pass through this liquid
• IBU: 112

This was another good brewday.  The sun was unrelenting, though there was a nice breeze.  I did manage to wrench my back when picking the cooler-tun from the ground to table height (deadlifting 115 pounds by one’s self is hitherto deemed unwise in any situation).  The yeast managed to kick right in within 6 hours of pitching into the wort.  This will primary for at least 4 weeks, then it will go into secondary until I decide it is ready.

I don’t have any more brewing on the immediate radar.  August is a pretty jam-packed month, so I likely will not have the time to brew.  I do need to try to get that Hippy Bro done again so we can present it to our friends, but aside from that, I’ve got nothin’….

Until next time, please live well, drink safe,

Oh, and Brew Guys, I have boxed up your clothes, curling irons and Duran Duran tapes and left them outside.  Please pick them up.  I am through with you.

I am going to start this post with a brief departure from beer, so I can rant about a couple of things first.

Let’s start with this Joran van der Sloot piece of crap.  This “man” deserves to be put in general population of that Peruvian prison…  and he must shower with powdered soap.  This is the deal.  This kid has built this entire persona as a perpetual liar.  He has confessed and retracted and back pedaled on so many different allegations over just the past five years that no one at this point could possibly believe anything he has to say.  As far as a scam artist goes, this guy has done pretty well for himself.  Unfortunately, the Feds dropped the ball recently in Aruba, and another young lady is dead.  He confessed to the second murder, then retracted saying he “was scared”… as Sherman T. Potter would have said “Son, that is a big load of horse puckey”.  This kid is just following his M.O. in the hopes that the authorities screw something up and he gets let off on a technicality.  Like I said, throw him in general population in a pair of ass-less chaps.  He will quickly understand justice.

Next up is this whole “Big Oil is SATAN!!!!!” nonsense.  It isn’t Big Oil that is evil, it is the administration at BP.  I am actually a bit conflicted on this topic, because I started my working career in the oil and gas industry.  For 18 long months, I worked in quality control on an exploration vessel in the Gulf of Mexico.  We did not actively rape and pillage the Earth, though we did help acquire the data for our contracted companies to do so.  I actually worked on a couple of surveys for BP (back when they were still mostly British).  They weren’t overly demanding, and since we did not drill test wells or anything, my life was never in imminent danger due to explosion… except on chili night, but I digress.  This is what I am taking out of this particular situation:

The oil industry is not bad in, and of, itself.  Our particular operation was quite environmentally conscious.  Any spill was quickly contained, we did not jettison non-biological material (and the biomass we did discharge was processed and treated before it became effluent), and from what I saw the very few times I was actually on a drilling platform, every process was performed with the utmost care to worker and environmental safety.

BP, however, in their quest to pull in a larger profit margin than their competitors cut very significant corners against the advice of the two companies that they were operating the Deepwater Horizon with (TransOcean and Halliburton).  BP dug this hole for themselves, quite literally and figuratively.  Now, unfortunately, an entire ecosystem will suffer for many years to come and many families will, for all intents and purposes, lose their livelihood.  F-you Britain! At least when we polluted our own waters it was tea, and the fish and lobsters only got hyper.

Should the Gulf disaster lessen our search for alternative, renewable resources?  Not at all.  There were only so many dinosaurs and prehistoric flora that died and were compressed.  We will run out  of oil eventually.  Oil shale extraction still is not a viable alternative, cars can’t run on NG, and bio-fuels are no more “green” than traditional fuels.  I don’t have any solutions or suggestions as to where we go… maybe nuclEar (that’s for you, GHW) power and fuel cells and electric vehicles will start getting more funding….

OK.  Now that that is off my chest, let’s get to the beer!  As I mentioned in my last post, I have had a “trouble batch”.  No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t get it brewed.  Mishaps, commitments, sunburn, fatigue and hangovers were keeping this beer from being born.  I took a step back from this recipe, re-evaluated it, and decided it wanted to be a Double IPA.  I also knew that Father’s Day was looming.  My lovely wife, Stacie, and I have an understanding:  On Mother’s Day, she lifts not a finger for any reason.  On Father’s Day, I brew beer.

Father’s Day was yesterday,  and I really could not have picked a more beautiful day to brew.  I started the weekend thinking I would get that IPA done, then I was requested to brew a batch of our Hippy Bro Nut Brown Ale for a friend.  DUAL BREW DAY!!!!  I actually kept a half-assed log throughout the brewday complete with times. I will list that out at the end so you all can see how the day progressed.  First, here are the recipes:

1. Hippy Bro Nut Brown Ale

recipe for 5.25 gallons,brewed on6/20/2010

• 8lbs Fawcett Optic Pale Malt
• 1 lbs British Mild malt
• 3/4lbs Cara-Amber
• 1/4lbs Crystal60*l
• 1/4lbs Crisp Brown Malt
• 1/4lbs British Chocolate malt
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) as First Wort hops
• 1oz Nugget pellet hops (13%AA) added at 60 minutes… I just realized writing this that the recipe called only for 1/2oz…oooops!
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added at 5 minutes
• WYeast 1028 London Ale yeast
• Expected starting gravity:  1.054 with 5.75g in carboy
• SRM(color)  31
• IBU 67 (would be 37 but for adding too many Nugget hops)

2.  WWW.IPA.COM (original recipe may be found here)

recipe for 5 gallons,  brewed on 6/20/2010

• 15lbs Fawcett Optic Pale Malt
• 2lbs Vienna Malt
• 3/4 lbs Dark Munich
• 1/4lbs Crystal 60*L
• 1/4lbs Cara-Amber
• 1lb Light Muscovado sugar added with 10minutes left
• 2oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) as First Wort hops
• 3/4oz Warrior pellet hops (17.2%AA) added at  60minutes
• 1/2oz Perle pellet hops (8.3%AA) added at 60minutes
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added at 20minutes
• 1oz Amarillo pellet hops (8.7%AA) added at 10 minutes
• 3/4oz Warrior pellet hops (17.2%AA)added between 5 and 0 minutes
• 1oz Willamette whole  hops(5.5%AA) added between 5  and 0 minutes
• 1.5oz Perle pellet hops (8.3%AA) added between  5 and 0 minutes
• WYeast 1084 Irish Ale yeast cake from Smoked Irish Red
• Expected OG: 1.092 with 5.5 gallons in carboy
• SRM: 15.3
• IBU: 132  (human taste threshold is 80-90, anything above is for bragging rights)

Now, this is how the brewday went down:

• 9:30 got woken up by a kid yelling in my ear that it was time to get out of bed
• 9:45 showered and dressed, strike water has been measured for the Double IPA (DIPA)
• 10:00  Burner is lit to heat the strike water for the DIPA.  Begin crushing grains for both batches to be brewed.  Water is measured for the Brown Ale and set aside until burner is free
• 10:38 The DIPA is mashed in into the Igloo cooler-tun.  Strike water was heated to 164*F so the  mash stabilized at 150*F  (Our oldest daughter was kind enough to inform me at this point that I had already added the 5.2 mash stabilizer to the strike water.  She will be a brewster yet!)
• 10:55 The Hippy Bro is mashed in right in the kettle.  Strike water was heated to 165*F so the mash stabilized at 154*F
• 11:50, sparge water put onto the burner to  heat for the Brown Ale
• 12:20  Sparge water for Brown Ale reaches 175, and sparging begins and runs for the next 45 minutes
• 1:00 Burner is turned on after 3 gallons have been collected for the Brown Ale
• 1:20 Brown Ale reaches a boil
• 2:20  Brown Ale boil is complete, chilling begins.   Sparge water for the DIPA is put on the burner to heat to temperature
• 3:00 Brown Ale is done and in the carboy
• Vital Statistics for the Brown Ale

OG measured 1.052 with 5.3gal in the carboy for system

efficiency of 71%

• 3:20  IPA Sparge is started.  The first runnings were absolutely clear of grain particules before I had even run off a quart of liquid.  All hail the braided hose!!!  Sparging runs for next 50 minutes
• 4:00 Burner is turned on after 2.5 gallons have been  collected for the DIPA
• 4:30 DIPA reaches a boil
• 5:35 DIPA boil is finished and chilling starts
• 6:15  DIPA is done and in the carboy.
• Vital Statistics for the DIPA

OG Measured 1.092 with 5.6 gallons in the carboy for system

efficiency of 70%

• 7AM 6/21:  DIPA  has begun blowoff.  Additional cold water added to container bin,  airlock replaced with sanitized AL foil.  No signs of life from Brown
• 7PM 6/21  DIPA blowoff finished.  Still nothing from the Brown (no starter was prepared

So, that was my brew day/ Father’s Day this year.  A good, solid 9 hours of brewing under absolutely crystal clear skies.  The slight breeze off of Lake Ontario made it bearable to stand next to large volumes of boiling  liquids all day.  It also made the sunshine seem much more innocuous than it really was.  Another weekend, another sunburn, but I just consider it job security since the company I work for designs and manufactures microscopes for non-invasive skin cancer imaging.

We will update on these beers once they are near or at their completion.  Until then, Cheers, brew well and live even better.

RYW

I am proud to announce  that, by unanimous decision, I am the undisputed champeen President of the Upstate New York Homebrewer’s Association for 2010 *cue Rocky music*.

I have a couple of cool things I would like to have the club do  in the coming year, or at least get the ball rolling towards having said things occur in the future.  It will be a fun time for all (no matter how crazy Tony thinks I am for doing this), and I am looking forward to getting right into the fray.  I don’t want to get too far into my plans or ideas here,  as this particular site is not entirely the proper forum for such things.  Just know that I have some good stuff rolling around in the large void between my ears.  As things get in the planning stages and whatnot, I will be sure to update, but for now it is neither the time, nor the place.

OK, so now that that is out of the way, do we all remember these guys?  This week marked another of their forays into beer journalism.  As many of you can tell by the lack of vitriol,  though, this article did not pertain to homebrewing.  Rather, this week’s article dealt with beer festivals.  To be completely honest, I really have no major issues with the article this week.

Actually, I will take that back.  I DO have an issue with the article this week.  Not with the content itself, but rather what it is lacking: that English Bitter recipe.

Let’s face it, we’ve  been hoodwinked.  They promised to not only guide us through the homebrewing process, but also the equipment and ingredient requirements necessary to brew an English Bitter.  So, what gives, Adam and Bryan?  I can only assume that one of two things happened:

1. They were limited to three articles on the homebrewing process, and were too verbose in the first two articles to complete the series and give the reading public what was promised.
2. They read blogs like mine, or have received many outraged emails detailing the failings of their tutorial and simply threw their hands to the sky in exasperation and futility.

OK, my arguments this week are very feeble.  Like I said, I really have no issue with their recommendations for how to enjoy a beer festival.  The only point I would probably broach is that they did not mention is the idea of doing a beer review based off of a festival pour.  My thoughts are quite simply, don’t do it.

Look, generally, if you are going to review a beer, you have a 12oz “sample” in front of you.  It is very difficult to adequately review a beer based off of a 2oz pour.  With a full 12 ounces, you can more fully experience the beer as it warms from serving temperature until the entire beer is gone.  As the beer warms, you will experience changes in aroma and flavor that are simply not present in a 2oz  pour that is very easily “shot” so your glass is empty for the next sample.  If you want to review beer that you drink at a festival, go about it this way:

• find the brewery that has piqued your interest and ask if they have any new releases or “festival only” beers on tap
• if it is a new release, ask if it has hit store shelves yet, and request this as your sample.  If you dig the sample, make a note of it and purchase a more suitable reviewing sized bottle at your local beer or grocery store.
• if there is a “festival only” beer, request that as your sample, and if the line behind you permits, request another sample when the first is finished. If you feel the need to revisit the beer later, head back to that booth and get a third sample.  It still won’t be a full serving size (12oz), but you will have a much better feel for the beer after a couple of samples than if you base everything on a 2oz  “shooter”.
• Don’t be “THAT GUY” that stands in the middle of everything plugging your review into Beer Advocate on your iPhone.  If you insist on writing notes down on festival-only brews, wait until you get home to upload them onto your computer.
• Realize that very often breweries will not send THE brewer to a beer festival.  While there are exceptions to this, it is very often a brewery rep or an intern that is at the taps.  And technically, in NY, brewery reps and employees are not allowed to actually pour the beer.  This is why you see so many people walking around in “Volunteer” shirts.  Stupid Draconian alcohol laws.
• Brewers are not impressed when beer geeks ask how many IBUs are in a particular beer, or when you (the all-knowing beer geek and self-righteous homebrewer) suggest that they use a different variety of hops.  And again, most often it is not the brewer behind the counter but a rep or an intern that will look at you like the RCA dog as you spout off technical data that makes no sense to the beer you are talking about….the only thing more sad than a sad midget clown is a drunk beer snob that thinks they know how a professional brewer should do their job.

That’s about all I have on this one. Like I said, it was pretty much a cut-and-dry article this week.  I would actually like to take a moment to display a rare moment of humble-ocity (yeah, it is a word, I just wrote it on the internet so it has to be true!!!!) and say that I harbor no ill feelings towards the Keg Lines guys.  Hey, anyone that is willing to write about beer in a newspaper and try to advocate for its movement away from the “unsophisticated man’s” drink deserves at least 1 thumb up in my book.  So they got some stuff wrong, it really isn’t the end of the world.

As the new President of UNYHA, I am sure that I will be having some correspondence with Adam and Bryan at some point.  Heck, I will even step right out and offer for them to join us at a club meeting if they are not already members of the club  (2nd Weds of every month at 7:30, Merchants St. Bar and Grill 2nd floor).

Yep, that’s it.  I’ve got nothing more.  I plan to brew this Sunday for Father’s Day (…oh yeah.  Hey Stacie, I am brewing on Father’s Day. Thanks,  love you!).  I am not completely decided on what I will be brewing.  I really want that IPA to get brewed, but I also owe a batch of Hippy Bro Nut Brown Ale to a friend.  Perhaps I will get to pull two batches out in one day.

Stay tuned for the fun-filled description of events yet to transpire.

For related articles in this series, please see: A rant and farewell to my computer and Bi-weekly rant on the Democrat & Chronicle

I did not want to read the paper today.  I knew deep within my bones that doing so would raise my blood pressure to near-fatal stroke levels.  You see, it has been two weeks since the last “Keg Lines” article ran in the Rochester Democrat and Chronicle.  I posted a pretty lengthy rant about the inconsistencies within the “How to Get Into Homebrewing” article.  The authors left the end of the article fairly open ended, as there is a lot of information to cover.  This week, they were to cover the possible ingredients that one can use to brew beer at home.  There are only four main ingredients.  How badly could they possibly screw it up, right?

I broke down and read today’s “Keg Lines” installment after brewing cohort Joel walked into my office shaking his head in disbelief.  He knew I had not read it straight away, as my ears had not yet turned red and neither was I convulsing in fits of rage.

Did you know that if you /facepalm while shaking your head that you run the risk of breaking your own nose?  Yeah, this was that bad.  So, following the postulation/retort format from last week, here we go:

• Sugar plus hops, yeast and water equals beer

This is not good. This is the title of the article, and already I am enraged. Really, really enraged.  I can see poor college kids already buying Fleischmann’s cake yeast and table sugar at Wegmans and an ounce of hops from one of the local homebrew shops that still remain unnamed in the article, throwing it in an empty unwashed milk jug and wondering why it tastes of toe jam, vomit, and apple cider.

Let me say this now.  Beer utilizes four main ingredients: hops, water, yeast and MALT!!!

• …there are four basic ingredients that are widely accepted as being necessary to make beer: sugar (mostly created from malted barley), hops, yeast and water.

Yeah, they try to redeem themselves here.  It does not work, frankly.  Yes, it is true that malted barley is the premier grain used in the the production of beer.  However, other malted grains are commonly used, which fall into the whole “Malt” category.  These would be Rye, Wheat, and Oats.

Other nonmalted grains are often used as well for flavor, head retention, and to lighten the body.  These would include unmalted versions of barley, wheat, Oats, Maize (some call it corn), and rice.

The “sugar” that these guys are trying to convey are the maltose that is extracted from the aforementioned grains through a process called mashing.  Without getting too in-depth, this involves steeping or soaking malted and crushed grains in water at a temperature between 140°F and 165°F for a prescribed length of time.  This steeping process will allow enzymes within the grains to convert the internal starches within the grains from starch into fermentable sugars (maltose) and less fermentable sugars (maltodextrins).  The more maltose present at the end of the mashing process, the more fermentable the beer will be.  Increased Maltodextrin (less fermentable) sugar chains present at the end of the mash, the more body and residual sweetness will be in the finished beer.

• Malts, as well as several of the ingredients we discuss in this column, are available to order online or at some local stores around town…

Really??  We have local stores that sell homebrewing supplies? What are their names, and where might they be located? Are there any such stores in nearby cities that might also carry homebrewing supplies?  Remember, think globally, buy locally.  Rochester’s economy won’t better itself without some help.  After all, you are the same guys that plug High Falls/Genessee every chance you get…with honorable mentions to Custom Brewcrafters, and even fewer instances where you even mutter the name of seminal local craft brewery: Rohrbach, are you not?

You are leaving new brewers with incomplete and inadequate information with which to start on their quest to this great hobby.

• Beers of the World is probably the best known homebrew supply shop within the Rochester metro area.  The guys there are super helpful, and they are willing to order special grains for you if you need something they do not carry, and you give them adequate time.
• Sunset Hydroponics is an up-and-comer in the homebrewing arena.  Their selection is pretty similar to Beers of the World, though they have the added bonus of allowing partial pound ordering of grains. They also have a grain mill in store for you to grind your grains there, should you not have a mill at home.  Their primary focus is still the hydroponics business, and their brewing knowledge might not be quite up to snuff, but they are trying.
• Niagara Tradition Homebrew Supply in Buffalo is a nice little shop that packs a truckload of ingredients, supplies and other odds and ends into a tiny shop.  I’ve been to their retail location a couple of times, and was impressed with the overall friendly atmosphere, selection and helpfulness shown towards an average schmoe off the streets (me).  I believe they also extend the 10% discount for UNYHA members, though you would have to visit in person or phone in your order to take advantage.

See?  That wasn’t difficult to do, was it?  My credibility has not suffered.  I am not selling out to corporate interest.  I am attempting to help those businesses that can best help us become brewers.

• Hops tend to be quite bitter, so this works nicely to add flavor and aroma to the beer.

• …there are several choices for hops that will give a beer a distinct flavor and aroma.

So, bitter is a flavor and aroma now?  Bitter is perceived on the tongue, though it is more of a mouthfeel…. You feel your tongue react to bitterness more than you actually taste bitter.

Here’s the straight poop:  Hops are added at various times throughout the boiling process that occurs after mashing and straining the grains.  The longer that the hops are in the boiling wort (beer without yeast), the more bitterness that is extracted from them.  Beer is generally boiled for 60 to 90 minutes. Hops added at the start of the boil will provide a majority of your bitterness.  This is due to many of the delicate flavor and aroma components being driven off by the extended boiling process.  Flavor and aroma are controlled by delicate oils and chemicals within the hop flower, and are very volatile in the sense that they are destroyed easily.

If you were to add hops with between 30 to 10 minutes left in the boil, you will extract a majority of your hop flavor.  You will also extract some bittering properties, however, this bitterness extraction is not as efficient as if the same hops were added at the beginning.

Hops added between 10 and 0 minutes left in the boil will also provide flavor, and lessening bitterness.  Their main advantage is the extraction of aroma compounds to the beer.  The more hops that you add during this time period, the more citrusy, spicy and even piney your beer will smell.

Every hop variety has its own strengths as to which component it would be best contributing to your beer.  Some varieties are multi-purpose, some are best at simply bittering, and still others are prized for the aroma or flavor they will provide.  The hop variety data book at Hop Union is a fantastic reference point for what hops will work best for a particular style, what hops you can use in a particular variety’s place, and other notes and average data for that variety.

• We recommend that you always boil the water you are going to use for homebrewing to rid it of any chlorine or other unwanted chemicals.

Let’s not get the cart before the horse here.  Check with your local water authority, and ask for a current report of your tap water.  If you are on a well, you should get your water tested, especially if you think Iron is present (Iron will make your beer taste like blood, which I cannot imagine is even remotely palatable).  Homebrewing reference books will be able to help a moderately inclined homebrewer modify their water chemistry with the use of certain brewing salts, such as Gypsum, in order to get the proper chemistry.

If you are truly concerned, simply buy distilled or Reverse Osmosis water from a local retailer, and use your homebrewing reference books and published tables of famous brewing water (Munich, Edinburgh, Rochester) to “build” your water up from scratch.

• Porters are much darker and have roasted barley, which gives it a smoky smell and taste.

Um…yeah.  This is an ongoing debate on many homebrewing forums, so I won’t beat them up too much on the inclusion of roasted barley in a porter.  One camp in the debate claims that it is not a porter unless it uses Black Patent malt.  Another camp will state that if the beer contains roasted barley, then it is automatically a stout.  The last camp are the non-style oriented and will tell you that the beer is whatever the hell the brewer wants to call it.  I am not aligned firmly with any particular argument.

Oh, and too much roasted barley will make your beer taste like a wet ashtray.  I guess that would be a smoky smell and taste, though not one I strive for in any of my recipes.

• Hefeweisens are German-style wheat beers that are cloudy and fruity. Many … choose to add a slice of lemon or orange to this style.

I am not a big fan of fruit beers.  I am even less a fan of fruit IN my beer.  Especially if I order a beer at a bar, and they add it without even asking if that is what I prefer.  Tony will likely disagree with me for this particular viewpoint, but….

People choose to do this with current Hefeweisens because they think it is the “cool” thing to do.  It just seems out of place for a style that often has banana and clove notes due to the yeast that is used.  It is a flavor clash, IMO, and fewer would unthinkingly ruin their beer with fruit if it weren’t shoved down our throats by the marketing giants of Miller-Coors (Blue Moon) and AB-Inbev (Hoegaarden).  Stop the madness sheeple!!!

• If lagers are more your style, think about a bock or a pilsner.

Sure.  Hop right on that, new first-time brewers.  Notice that the authors make no mention here of the need for temperature control in the 35-45°F range.  Go right ahead, oh young brewer, and brew a CAP (Classic American Pilsner) or a Traditional Bock at any time of year… at room temperature… and report back to me.  It may not be a vomit-inducing experience, but it will definitely NOT taste like the beer you intended to make.

Once again, a lack of research, or incomplete research does more harm than good with this series of articles.  These guys appear to have skimmed the holy grail of non-sourced material out there (Wikipedia), or they used the same researchers that Alton Brown did for “Good Eats”.  I promised myself I wouldn’t cuss, but really, this is just piss-poor.  I question whether these two have actually brewed before, much less brewed a batch of beer that did not smell of feet and taste of moldy yogurt.

In two weeks, they cover equipment and brewing a batch of English Bitter.  This should be fun.  My BJCP hat will be on to critique their recipe (which I guarantee will be just a Brewer’s Best kit beer…not that there is anything wrong with that…).

Really “Keg Lines” guys, you may never see this post… and your damned paper won’t allow commenting on your article…but just in case, make sure you actually do some research before your next article.

We want to bring more people into the hobby, not set them up to fail.

We want to promote our local businesses, not gloss over their existence.

We want coherent, well thought out writing with the correct nomenclature.

Is this too much to ask?

For related articles in this series, please see: Is this really how you brew??? and Bi-weekly rant on the Democrat & Chronicle

Well, my desktop computer has become “an unstable environment”. It seriously is moodier and has more issues than a high school cheerleading squad.

Unfortunately, this means that the last three recipes and brewdays will have to wait to be posted until I get a new harddrive, or at least get all of my data off the old one.

In the meantime, I wanted to mention an article that ran in the local paper here in Rochester. They have a bi-weekly column called “Keg Lines”, written by two local gents that proclaim to love all things beer (yet more often than not, their article sounds like a big shill for High Falls/Genessee Brewing…really, Dundee Honey Lager wins in a blind test over Stone IPA????…).

Sorry for the digression. The article in question was a quick and dirty primer about how to start up in homebrewing.

I have a few issues with some of the claims and omissions in this article:

• “So long as you are 21 years of age and older, do not brew more than 100 gallons per adult in the house each year and do not sell the beer you make, you are in the clear.”

This is not entirely true. Yes, the Federal government did set about a 100 gallon limit. However, this is not an ever-increasing tally for each adult in the household. You cannot pack a house full of 5 adults, and legally brew 500 gallons per year. The limits state explicitly that it is 100 gallons per annum for an adult of legal age in YOUR LOCALITY, or 200 gallons per household. Also, homebrewing might be legal on a federal level, but as with most things alocohol related, the Feds have left the decision whether to allow homebrewing largely up to the states themselves. Utah recently became one of the last hold-out states to legalize homebrewing. There are still a of states that outright prohibit brewing beer in the home, such as Alabama, Iowa, Kentucky, Mississippi, Ohio, and Oklahoma . Other states limit the strength of the beer that homebrewers are allowed to make (South Carolina with its insane alcohol cap at 5.5% for homebrew). And other states still whose laws are murky and non-committal like Louisiana, New York, Maine, Nevada, New Hampshire and New Mexico, where the law neither explicitly allows or disallows brewing in the home and said laws are largely untested. (Note, some of the legality information was taken from Homebrewing Is Illegal which seems like some items may be a tough out of date).

The bottom line here is this: Check with local and state statutes to make sure you really are “in the clear” when it comes to homebrewing.

• It turns out it is cheaper to make your own brew once you have invested in all the necessary equipment

Really? This might be true if you never upgrade your equipment, move to larger batch sizes, only brew all grain by mashing your grains yourself rather than using extracts, and you buy all of your ingredients online in bulk.

Take, for instance a standard alcohol level (6%abv) batch of India Pale Ale: Brewing with extract, this batch can easily cost $78.20 to produce 48 bottles… or $39.10 per case. There are many micro-brewed beers to be had at or below this price. That isn’t to mention that a “cube” of the common offender beers (Bud/Miller/Coors/Genny) costs around $16 for a case of 30 cans. Yes, we are comparing apples to Brussels sprouts here, but the ppoint is that the Keg Lines guys are setting potential new brewers up with a false expectation that they can brew and drink cheaper after the initial startup costs (about $150 for equipment alone), which just ain’t gonna happen.

In slight contrast, if I brew a similar recipe at the same alcohol level by bashing my own grains (all grain), the batch would cost around $53 buying the ingredients as needed. The cost drops to $32 if I plan ahead and purchase bulk grains and hops online…That still works out to the same cost as one of those ubiquitous “cubes”, which don’t take 6 hours out of a Saturday and i don’t have to wait for 6 weeks for a “cube to be ready to drink.

I won’t even get into equipment upgrade/replacement costs. Let’s just say that Stainless Steel or Aluminum kettles are expensive. Glass fermenters are expensive. Trips to the ER for cutting yourself on one of the aforementioned glass fermenters when you drop it runs $50 if you have good insurance (this does not cover rehab for possible damaged nerves, btw).

Hobbies are NOT cheap. We do not brew to save money. We brew because it is something we enjoy doing. It is one of the few hobbies that will provide you with something tangible at its’ conclusion…. And for the women out there, you know where we are and that we are safe (unlike certain sports, boating, cycling, and any extreme sports). OK, moving on now…

• So if you really like summer beers year-round but can’t find them in the store in December

Just a small gripe with this one. Apparently, these guys have never been to Beers of the World. You can very easily get out of season beers there. Maybe even the summer beers from last year. A reminder to beer consumers, look at the labels for “born on” dates, or “Best by:” dates. If they don’t have one and the bottle is dusty, keep moving (unless it is a strong ale, barleywine, or imperial stout…then buy them and send them to me. I will give you my address)

• A good place to start would be to pick up some literature. Designing Great Beers by Ray Daniels…

Wrong!!!! A beginning brewer will not learn much of anything behind processes and why we do things when and how we do them by reading this book. If any of you reading this decide to start homebrewing, save this book for later in your career, when you decide it is time to begin devising your own recipes. That is the main strength and point of “Designing Great Beers”, and it has served me very well every time I want to delve into a new style. Sadly, though it does not cover Belgian style beers, Sours or Lambics. For those, check out “Brew Like a Monk”, by Stan Hieronymus.

The authors do go on to suggest “The New Complete Joy of Homebrewing”, by Charlie Papazian, which actually is a decent introduction to homebrewing. It is fairly light-hearted, though I found Charlie’s attempts at humor a touch distracting and glib at times. The major points are hit upon in this book, and it covers all levels of homebrewing, from straight extract kits to triple decoction mashing.

An even better starting reference book that I recommend to everyone is “How to Brew”, by John Palmer. Not only is the 3rd edition of this book available in print, but the 1st edition may be found for free at http://howtobrew.com/. The print version, 3rd edition is slightly updated with some malt and hop information, but the online version is still very relevant, and more up to date than Charlie P.’s seminal tome.

Lastly, there are numerous books with just recipes for homebrewing. One to keep an eye out for is “Brewing Classic Styles”, by Jamil Zanaisheff and John Palmer. Jamil is the current “internet darling” homebrewer, having won many many awards at the national level. This book is basically filled with his own award winning recipes…every style. He has won that many ribbons.

• So, Keg Line guys, where do I buy equipment and supplies???

Yeah, the Keg Lines article definitely dropped the ball on this one. The Rochester area has two homebrew stores (ok, 3, but one of them is a satellite store). Most every other week, these guys shill for Genessee brewing company, I would hope under the guise of helping local commerce and not because they are on the dole. Yet, the one chance they have to truly promote local business, they fail.

Beers of the World in the Winton Plaza, Brighton, NY has the most experience in the area as a homebrew supply store. True, their main focus is in selling actual beer, but all of the guys there brew at home and are willing to help out and provide insight and guidance to newbies.

Sunset Hydroponics is the other local homebrew shop (LHBS in parlance). These guys are working into the homebrewing arena. They first started carrying supplies for homebrewing in 2007, and as time has gone on, they have taken suggestions for inventory and presentation from local brewers. These guys have an online store, something that Beers of the World does NOT have at the moment. Disregard their spelling errors, please. Their prices are decent both online and in-store. Plus, for anyone in the Rochester area, Sunset Hydro allows you to purchase your grain in fractional amounts. That means that if your recipe calls for only 1/4 pound of a certain grain, you can buy just what you need. Beers of the World, while a great shop, requires you purchase in full pound increments… then you and 3/4 pound of a grain you may or may not need for the next 6 months or more.

Those are my gripes with the article. I am waiting to see what the article covers next week with ingredients and styles to brew. I am sure I will have another diatribe by Tuesday evening.

I understand they are getting new brewers into the fold. I am completely fine with that, in fact, if they can increase members to the local club (Upstate New York Homebrewer’s Association), then kudos to them. What I am not okay with are the glaring omissions and errors and partial information that they are starting people out with. It’s like watching Alton Brown’s “Good Eats” brewing episode, only in print format.

Well, that’s about the end of that rant. We have a busy weekend, visiting some friends and brewing a batch on Sunday before we return home for the normal daily grind. Until we return, brew well and drink wisely.