Sarah Palin in All Nude Review: One Night Only Dec 21, 2012

Now that I have your attention… ok, I will wait for you to stop wretching…

*Jeopardy theme plays in the background*

Done yet? Good.  *Ahem*  Sorry I did that to you, but it’s been so long, I needed SOMEthing to get y’all’s attention.  Personally, I think ol’ Sarah has a perfect face for radio… or snuff films..

I suck.  It has been over a year since my last post.  I actually started to write up a post back in MAY (!), but I ran out of steam, time, and ambition in the middle of typing.  Add to that a crazy work and home life, numerous computer failures, and we get to where we are today. January 2012.  Rock Your World Brewing Co., is still very much alive.  Sometimes, though, life and family need to take precedence over beer (I know;  I shock even myself with that).

A quick synopsis of 2011:  life-wise it sucked a fat one.  Brewing-wise, it was “meh”.  I didn’t meet my brewing goals, and to be honest, I haven’t really had much true desire to brew or even maintain the batches in progress.  I will get to explaining that more at a later date when I finish that post from last May (it will be only minorly edited for the correct timeframe).

2012 will be the year to turn things around.  I need to.  After all if Sarah Palin really does perform a nude review it truly will be the end of days.  Until that eye-melting sight occurs, though, we will be once again regaling you with brewing exploits.  I may even go back on my word and rant about those Keg Lines schmoes as they once again continue to slog through the world of beer mediocrity and misinformation.

Brew well, drink better, steady your pet and pet your steady.

Jeremy

Welcome to Spamalot!!

Wow! I go away from the website for a few months, and the spambots have inundated my comments sections.  Don’t bother looking, because I have deleted all 200 comments.

Really, does this look like the type of website to literally pimp “Nude hairy grannies”, or “Ebony Lesbian Festival”?  It’s a beer website, ferchrissakes.  I literally threw up in my mouth a little when I read through the comments section to weed out the spam.  I’m not offended, just the thoughts of hairy granny pics out on the web is… ugh.

And spammers, if you are going to attempt to post comments to a message board, at least use full coherent sentences.  You make yourselves look dumber than the idiots that fall for your malicious websites and phishing scams.

OK, I’m better now.  Mostly.

As I promised in my last post, I have some back-filling of brewdays and recipes and beer-y hijinx to do.  It took some research on my computer to figure out where I needed to begin, but I narrowed it down to a Brown ale I brewed on Sept 26th.  This was my second attempt at this particular beer, which was to be presented to Fright Rags, a local horror-themed apparel company.  The first batch was one of the many batches I lost to inadvertent infections.   I had by this point purged 5/6 of the “bad” batches, changed out all of my racking gear, and performed a shock-and-awe cleaning campaign on my fermenters and bottling bucket.  I figured I was in the clear to brew again.

With a few changes to the first batch, this was the recipe for 9/26/10 (5 gallon batch size)

• 8lbs Maris Otter
• 1lb Vienna
• 1lb British Mild
• 3/4lb Cara-Amber
• 1/4lb Chocolate Malt
• 1/8lb Dark Crystal (~130*L)

We mashed in at 154 for an hour or so (this was also a hop picking day).

After the hop bines had been thoroughly denuded of their wonderful blossoms, we sparged and started on our hop schedule.  All hops used were homegrown:

• 1oz Willamette and 3/4oz Nugget added during the sparge
• 1/2oz Nugget added at start of boil (60 minutes)
• 1oz each, Nugget and Willamette added at 5 minutes

• Yeast used was WYeast 1028 in a 1/4 gallon starter

The brewday itself went fairly well.  It was a nice and sunny adventure in brewing.  Unfortunately, I realized that later on that there was still some brew funk lurking in my equipment, and this batch ended up as a future marinade for our steaks.  I still have it, in the hopes that it turns into something drinkable, but so far, experiments of that nature have not panned out well.  Only time will tell, though.

It really is too bad, since the beer looked really nice in the kettle:

We would get our retribution later, though.  Stay tuned…

Black Friday sneak preview

Bah humbug!  With the exception of giving present to our children, I have come to despise the Americanized institution of the Yuletide holiday season.

I see Christmas decorations in stores starting before Labor Day…

I have to listen to umpteen versions of holiday messages on company automated phone systems….

Likewise, I hear holiday music piped into every store…..

Whatever happened to the Christmas holiday season starting the Friday immediately after Thanksgiving?  Why do I need to see fake Christmas trees in my frickin’ grocery store before Fall has officially commenced?… when I am still wearing shorts and tank tops on a regular basis?

If it weren’t for the fact that we have 3 young kids that expect the fat guy in red with hypertension and heart disease to come bring them presents… I would totally be fine with not doing Christmas at all….

Unless any of you, Constant Reader, might have bought me a conical fermenter or a kegging system…. Hey, I am American.  I am allowed my materialistic lifestyle, am I not?

Listen, it’s been a while since I have posted here.  I know that I suck, and you all are patiently  awaiting my posts on a near-weekly basis.  I will be backfilling some brewday write-ups.  As with everything else, real life has gotten in the way since August.

We were able to squeak out a brewday today.  My aim was for an Irish Red ale based on the original Potato Famine Ale.  I made some changes to the recipe as I was buying my ingredients.  This brew-day was very much off-the-cuff and unplanned.  As I mentioned in the weekly “Who’s brewing what” thread on BeerAdvocate… this batch will either be spectacular, or it will taste like a bag of ass.  Either way, I was fine with the result because it meant I got to brew.

As mentioned, the original recipe is here.  What I ended up brewing yesterday was the following:

For 5.25 gallons:

• 6 lbs Maris Otter
• 2lbs Weyermann Smoked malt
• 1 lb Weyermann Vienna
• 1lb British Pale Malt
• 1lb Mild Malt
• 1lb Cara-Amber Malt
• 1/2lb Medium Crystal Malt (40*L)
• 1/4lb Cara-Aroma Malt
• 1 oz Black Patent
• Mashed at 158*F for an hour

I had a difficult time deciding what to do for the hops with this batch.  On the one hand, I could do for replication of the original recipe and use Fuggles… On the other hand, I have a freezer full (literally) of homegrown Willamettes and Nuggets.  I decided to be thrifty and use the Willamettes:

• 1/2oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added during the sparge
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added at 60 minutes
• 1/2oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added at 15 minutes
• 2oz Willamette whole hops added incrementally starting at 5 minutes left through flameout
• Yeast used was WYeast 1084 Irish Ale.

This brewday went very quick and easy.  I managed to have the beer in the carboy in just over 4 hours after starting the mash.  I am pretty sure that the sparge went quicker than preferred.  It did not hurt efficiency for the batch, which was a very acceptable 73%, but I probably could have had closer to 80% had I slowed the flow rate a bit.

As for my prediction on BeerAdvocate that this would be spectacular or “taste like a bag of ass”… the gravity sample holds great promise for a nice, malty beer.  My only complaint overall is that the color did not turn out red like I wanted it to, but rather more of a burnt brown.  If that is the worst this beer has to offer, I will be in good shape.

I plan to use the yeast cake from this batch in a dry stout in a few weeks.  Getting into the holiday season, I won’t have many chances to brew, but at this point, we only need to brew three more batches to make the 100 gallon mark for the year. (One of these years, we will hit the full 200 gallon limit, but I think that will take some equipment upgrades, or winning the lottery).

Justin Beiber Appearing Live!!!

In our next edition of things we want to blow up with nail filled pipe-bombs….
Really, though, does anyone like this kid… aside from pre-pubescent girls (and members of NAMBLA)? I honestly want to kick a big bag full of puppies when I so much as glimpse his visage on a magazine cover.

But enough about that. I know I have been remiss in my blogging and updates and brew-fiasco writings here for a while. I have a couple posts that I am working on. Life just gets in the way sometimes, you know?

Stay tuned. As soon as I have the proper clearance from the ATF, I will be able to make good on the promise of this post title.
(**note: the views of the administrators of this site may in no way resemble the views of this obviously delusional and inebriated writer… good grief, it’s a beer website!!! and you would take us seriously?***)

The art of aging gracefully

I have come to the conclusion that our group is officially old.  This past weekend, we hosted an annual summer party at our place.  A few things about this annual party.

• It is usually are our friends, Joel and Carrie’s place.

• We historically consume gross amounts of beer over the course of three days.

This year was different, as the party was different because it was hosted at Chez Belair, and while we did consume quite a few bottles of beer, it was nowhere near as legendary as prior fêtes… We have all grown a bit older, and wiser, and whereas as early as 8 years ago there would be drunken half naked Joel’s running around, now we have a bunch of screaming kids underfoot.

• Gone are the games of Beirut until 2AM.
• Gone are the parties that start on Thursday and go until early Sunday morning and burn through 3 1/2 kegs,  5 cubes of Genny Light, and untold pitchers of “Joel-garitas” (if you have never had one of Joel’s Margaritas, your liver will thank you… but damn, are they good…)
• Gone are the days when the last guests to arrive are the Chosen Ones who are sent back out to find a store still open and selling beer with a hastily assembled wad of random dollars and beer soaked quarters.
• Gone are the days of me deflating the air mattress and passing out in a drunken puddle just inside the tent
• Gone are the nights of me having rambling drunken conversations with our faithful brew-dog, Roscoe….

OK, I might still do those last two on occasion.

Now, we respectfully taste homebrewed offerings of guests and hosts.  We describe aromas and flavors and head retention.  We debate whether the beer we are tasting fits the style guidelines by which the homebrewer intends to name the beer.

• Now we (beer) geek out.

• Now we remember (most) of the night.

• Now we enjoy morning conversation the day after, rather than stumble around the kitchen looking for the last cup in the coffee pot and the last strip of greasy bacon.

For the record, we went through a “meager” 4 cases of homebrew and micro-brews this year.

• I had some very yummy offerings from our buddy Al in Binghamton (his ESB is pretty damned spot in all but aroma, which is a touch too “American”… call it an American Pale as is).
• My Two Hearted Ale Clone from the Binghamton Chronicles brewday was also quite tasty, though it ended up over-efficient, over-attenuated, and a touch over-hopped.
• Tony also brought some tasty offerings, and I think his Dubbel is coming into its own and will be fantastic in another month or two.
• I also had occasion to enjoy a St. Louis Gueze Fond Tradition from Castle Brewery van Honsebrouck, in Belgium….mmmm…funky Belgian beer…

A good time was had by all.  I am still in awe, though, over the transformation our group has undergone within the last 5 or 6 years.

We have evolved.

We, I suppose, have grown and matured as individuals, and beer consumers and brewers,  and also as friends and family….

And I wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Just throw the damn towel, Rocky”

I am done.

I quit.

I just cannot devote any more of my time and energy into these guys.  Really. I am through.  And trust me, it’s not me…it’s them in an incredible turn-around on an old cliche break up line.

For the love of all that is right and just in this world, they reviewed three beers from the G. Heilman / Pabst Brewing Co., as if they were the greatest thing to have been made with barley, water, yeast, and a total of 4 hop pellets per batch.  All three of these beers are rated with an average of a C on Beer advocate.  This is the same company that produces such winning beverages as Colt 45 (see what  happens when you sell your soul to the Empire, Lando???),  Champale: a malt liquor so heinous I can’t even find an old commercial or worthwhile graphic for it on the interwebs, and Lone Star: the very essence of Texas if you like to drink fermented cowboy pee that has been mixed with water from Galveston Bay, then run across the back of one of the fine ladies at the Oceanside Cabaret and into your glass….

hold on a moment….. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit…

Ok, all better.  And by the way, steak is much better the first time.

My point being here is that these guys have latched onto the “hipster” crowd.  PBR is what the cool kids are drinking in dive bars across the country because it is very retro in the red, white, and blue can, cheap as all get-out, and well… after 3 or 4 you can’t taste the distinct canned vomit flavor anymore.  It is widely consumed by 21-35 year old douchbags that think they are “retro-cool”, wearing their douchebag Ed Hardy t-shirts, and walking around thinking that they are sexier than “The Situation” (whoever the Hell that is.. I just read a passing mention of that asshat on Yahoo the other day)

Mmmm, sign me up for this fun ride.  “Drink Beer! Alienate your friends and make people hate you for being a schmuck”

So, I am done ranting about the beer guys.  This has become an instance of mind over matter.  I no longer mind, because they no longer matter.

***Management reserves the right to rescind this proclamation at any time***

So, now we get to the meat of the article here.  I have been lax and neglectful of my beer writing duties here this summer.  This does NOT, however, mean that I have not been brewing on some of the hottest days of the year.  (We artists must suffer for our art, you know…).  So, I guess to begin, I should mention the Blonde Ale I brewed for SWMBO… I mean,  my loving and ever-caring wife, Stacie.

As mentioned on my last post regarding America’s love of eating, drinking and “blowin’ shit up”, the 4th of July holiday would be incomplete if it did not involve some form of alcohol.  I had decided when I wrote the last post that I had just enough grain left in-house to brew Scream Queen/ Gentlemen Prefer a Blonde.  I was almost close, so i had to improvise.  This is what was brewed on July 5th, 2010 (with notes pertaining to substitutions):

• 4.62lbs Optic Pale malt (was supposed to be 7lbs, but I estimated poorly)
• 2lbs Vienna Malt
• 1lb British Mild malt (not called for in the original recipe)
• 1lb Flaked Rye (not called for in original recipe, preferable to flaked wheat due to less haze)
• 1/4lb Light Munich (again, not called for in original)
• Mashed at 150*F for an hour
• 1oz whole Willamette hops added at 60 mins (5.5%AA, homegrown)
• 1/2oz Whole Willamette hops added at 15 mins (5.5%AA homegrown)
• 1/2oz whole Willamette hops added at flameout (5.5%AA homegrown)
• 11g sachet of Safale S-05 dry yeast
• OG was 1.043 (same as calculated at 69% efficiency)
• color was very light straw… almost toe-headed
• IBU are around 27

The Mash and boil went smoothly, although I sparged quicker than I probably should have.  The sparge ran for 35 minutes, rather than the normal 60.  Had I slowed the runoff down a bit, we probably could have hit 75% efficiency on this batch.  We let this do its thing in primary until bottling it on 20 July.  This proved to be a pretty refreshing beer, considering the potpourri of grains that went into it in a CYA moment.  Most impressed, and likely to try this recipe version out again in the near future.

Throughout the month of July, I noticed an alarming and disturbing trend with some of the batches that were bottled in May, June, and early July…. they all seemed “off”, and were overcarbonating and had varying off-flavors.  Lost to the drinking public were the second batch of Great Potato Famine, the June batch of Hippy Bro, and the club brewoff Chocolate-Coconut Porter (batch one in the link).  Of undetermined health is the www.ipa.com beer that was brewed also with the Hippy Bro.

I think the issue with the spoiled batches is tainted racking tubing.  I started having issues with bad batches after I racked the Flanders Red Ale at the end of May.  I deep-sixed the racking cane and hose, and I am hoping that will do the trick (along with a “shock and awe” cleaning/sanitizing of all my fermentation gear).

This weekend past, I also had occasion to brew our annual Russian Imperial Stout: aka Romanov Family Portrait (fka Vlad and Joe’s Rockin’ Imperial Stout).  I was not sure I would get this one done, as I had a bunch of things to do on my “list”.  I woke up early on Sunday morning, mowed a majority of the lawn and decided that the beautiful weather was just calling for a brew-session.  Following is the beer we brewed on 8/1/2010:

• 20lbs Maris Otter
• 2lbs Flaked Oats
• 2lbs Chocolate Malt
• 1lb Roasted Barley
• 1/2lb Cara-Amber
• 1/2lb Cara-Aroma
• 1/2lb Dark Crystal (about 130*L)
• Mashed at 153 for about an hour

the boil was a special instance of splitting and condensing the sugars.  Due to kettle limitations, I am only able to collect 6.5 gallons of wort safely for the boil.  This recipe required that I collect nearly 8 gallons for the 2 hour boil.  I collected my main boil volume (6.5 gallons) in my normal kettle, then I ran off an additional 2 gallons and boiled that kettle separate… just turned the burner on and walked away for 2 hours.  In the “main” kettle containing 6.5 gallons, I added the following hops:

• 1/2oz Nugget pellets at 90 minutes (13%AA)
• 1oz Perle pellets at 60 mins (8.8%AA)
• 1oz Perle pellets at 30 mins (8.8%AA)
• 1-1/2oz Willamette whole hops at 20 mins (5.5%AA, homegrown)
• 2oz Willamette whole hops at flameout (5.5%AA, homegrown)
• 1/3 gallon straight yeast harvested from the brewoff porter and the Hippy Bro batches
• OG: 1.109 *vs a calculated OG of 1.122
• color:  light shall never pass through this liquid
• IBU: 112

This was another good brewday.  The sun was unrelenting, though there was a nice breeze.  I did manage to wrench my back when picking the cooler-tun from the ground to table height (deadlifting 115 pounds by one’s self is hitherto deemed unwise in any situation).  The yeast managed to kick right in within 6 hours of pitching into the wort.  This will primary for at least 4 weeks, then it will go into secondary until I decide it is ready.

I don’t have any more brewing on the immediate radar.  August is a pretty jam-packed month, so I likely will not have the time to brew.  I do need to try to get that Hippy Bro done again so we can present it to our friends, but aside from that, I’ve got nothin’….

Until next time, please live well, drink safe,

Oh, and Brew Guys, I have boxed up your clothes, curling irons and Duran Duran tapes and left them outside.  Please pick them up.  I am through with you.

The great American tradition continues

I shall start this post with a song in honor of both Canada Day and the 4th of July:

“Oh Canada,

Your bacon’s really ham.

Your beer is watered down, and tastes no better canned.”

…that’s all I got on that one.

So, this weekend is when we Americans celebrate those things that make our country great.  By this I mean that we get a day off of work, gorge ourselves on processed meat that has been cooked over a fire created by burning a fossil fuel while drinking to excess in the blazing sun with our fat American bellies hang over our belt line.  Then, once we have had our fill of fake meat and have consumed enough alcohol to make an elephant legally drunk, we will blow shit up.  Good times.

Oh, and we will celebrate the birth of something… what was it now?  Oh yeah, the birth of our nation, indivisible under <insert deity of choice here>, with Liberty and Justice for all, and remember the sacrifices of our founding fathers to provide us with the freedoms that we all enjoy.

Enough of that though.  This is a beer website, and I have some brewing news.

This past week, the timeline hit for me to have to bottle the Chocolate-coconut Porter.  This was the first beer we brewed back on May 23rd.  As you may recall, the second beer of that brewday  met an unfortunate end.  The first beer (the porter) has had a very fine life so far.  The yeast took a bit to kick off fermentation, but otherwise, there were no issues.  We brewed on May 23rd, and the beer sat in primary until June 6th, when I racked it over to secondary on top of the 5oz of Cocoa nibs and 4oz of organic unsweetened coconut shavings.  To prepare the coconut, I spread it out on a cookie sheet and toasted it for 45 minutes in the oven at 275*F.  Every 5 minutes, I stirred the coconut around on the sheet to ensure an even toast and also to keep it from burning.  The toasting was to serve two purposes:  First, toasting will intensify the flavor and aroma.  Raw coconut, especially when unsweetened, is actually pretty bland.  Second, I was hoping that toasting the coconut would cook out some of the natural oils and fat content.  I had some concern that those things would hinder head retention as well as provide rancidity due to break down of the fatty acids.

We did a three week secondary with the cocoa nibs and coconut, and bottled this past Monday.  I was quite happy with the gravity sample.  This beer ended exactly where I wanted it to with a final specific gravity of 1.013.  The cocoa nibs really are shining the spotlight in this beer.  The coconut just barely shows itself in the nose, and is nearly absent in the flavor.  Next time, I think we will double the amount of coconut used.  I have high expectations that this beer will be a hit at the club meeting on July 14th.

This holiday weekend, we have a few things planned.  Saturday, we will be travelling to lovely and rustic Newark, NY, to spend the day with Tony, Colleen, and Tony’s family.  It will be fun in the sun with good people, good beer, yummy food, and of course…. explosives.  Sunday and Monday are fairly open.  I think I shall have to brew our house beer:  Gentlemen Prefer a Blonde/ Scream Queen.  (Oh yeah, Stacie… I want to brew this weekend. mhuah!).  I sadly do not have any special beers purchased to toast the holiday.  Maybe I will have to pick up a Sierra Nevada 30th bottle.

Here is hoping that all of you have a safe and happy July 4th.  What do any of you have planned, and what yummy beers will you be enjoying?

Newsflash: BP to stop drilling relief well, will plug leak with Joran van der Sloot

I am going to start this post with a brief departure from beer, so I can rant about a couple of things first.

Let’s start with this Joran van der Sloot piece of crap.  This “man” deserves to be put in general population of that Peruvian prison…  and he must shower with powdered soap.  This is the deal.  This kid has built this entire persona as a perpetual liar.  He has confessed and retracted and back pedaled on so many different allegations over just the past five years that no one at this point could possibly believe anything he has to say.  As far as a scam artist goes, this guy has done pretty well for himself.  Unfortunately, the Feds dropped the ball recently in Aruba, and another young lady is dead.  He confessed to the second murder, then retracted saying he “was scared”… as Sherman T. Potter would have said “Son, that is a big load of horse puckey”.  This kid is just following his M.O. in the hopes that the authorities screw something up and he gets let off on a technicality.  Like I said, throw him in general population in a pair of ass-less chaps.  He will quickly understand justice.

Next up is this whole “Big Oil is SATAN!!!!!” nonsense.  It isn’t Big Oil that is evil, it is the administration at BP.  I am actually a bit conflicted on this topic, because I started my working career in the oil and gas industry.  For 18 long months, I worked in quality control on an exploration vessel in the Gulf of Mexico.  We did not actively rape and pillage the Earth, though we did help acquire the data for our contracted companies to do so.  I actually worked on a couple of surveys for BP (back when they were still mostly British).  They weren’t overly demanding, and since we did not drill test wells or anything, my life was never in imminent danger due to explosion… except on chili night, but I digress.  This is what I am taking out of this particular situation:

The oil industry is not bad in, and of, itself.  Our particular operation was quite environmentally conscious.  Any spill was quickly contained, we did not jettison non-biological material (and the biomass we did discharge was processed and treated before it became effluent), and from what I saw the very few times I was actually on a drilling platform, every process was performed with the utmost care to worker and environmental safety.

BP, however, in their quest to pull in a larger profit margin than their competitors cut very significant corners against the advice of the two companies that they were operating the Deepwater Horizon with (TransOcean and Halliburton).  BP dug this hole for themselves, quite literally and figuratively.  Now, unfortunately, an entire ecosystem will suffer for many years to come and many families will, for all intents and purposes, lose their livelihood.  F-you Britain! At least when we polluted our own waters it was tea, and the fish and lobsters only got hyper.

Should the Gulf disaster lessen our search for alternative, renewable resources?  Not at all.  There were only so many dinosaurs and prehistoric flora that died and were compressed.  We will run out  of oil eventually.  Oil shale extraction still is not a viable alternative, cars can’t run on NG, and bio-fuels are no more “green” than traditional fuels.  I don’t have any solutions or suggestions as to where we go… maybe nuclEar (that’s for you, GHW) power and fuel cells and electric vehicles will start getting more funding….

OK.  Now that that is off my chest, let’s get to the beer!  As I mentioned in my last post, I have had a “trouble batch”.  No matter what I tried, I just couldn’t get it brewed.  Mishaps, commitments, sunburn, fatigue and hangovers were keeping this beer from being born.  I took a step back from this recipe, re-evaluated it, and decided it wanted to be a Double IPA.  I also knew that Father’s Day was looming.  My lovely wife, Stacie, and I have an understanding:  On Mother’s Day, she lifts not a finger for any reason.  On Father’s Day, I brew beer.

Father’s Day was yesterday,  and I really could not have picked a more beautiful day to brew.  I started the weekend thinking I would get that IPA done, then I was requested to brew a batch of our Hippy Bro Nut Brown Ale for a friend.  DUAL BREW DAY!!!!  I actually kept a half-assed log throughout the brewday complete with times. I will list that out at the end so you all can see how the day progressed.  First, here are the recipes:

1. Hippy Bro Nut Brown Ale

recipe for 5.25 gallons,brewed on6/20/2010

• 8lbs Fawcett Optic Pale Malt
• 1 lbs British Mild malt
• 3/4lbs Cara-Amber
• 1/4lbs Crystal60*l
• 1/4lbs Crisp Brown Malt
• 1/4lbs British Chocolate malt
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) as First Wort hops
• 1oz Nugget pellet hops (13%AA) added at 60 minutes… I just realized writing this that the recipe called only for 1/2oz…oooops!
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added at 5 minutes
• WYeast 1028 London Ale yeast
• Expected starting gravity:  1.054 with 5.75g in carboy
• SRM(color)  31
• IBU 67 (would be 37 but for adding too many Nugget hops)

2.  WWW.IPA.COM (original recipe may be found here)

recipe for 5 gallons,  brewed on 6/20/2010

• 15lbs Fawcett Optic Pale Malt
• 2lbs Vienna Malt
• 3/4 lbs Dark Munich
• 1/4lbs Crystal 60*L
• 1/4lbs Cara-Amber
• 1lb Light Muscovado sugar added with 10minutes left
• 2oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) as First Wort hops
• 3/4oz Warrior pellet hops (17.2%AA) added at  60minutes
• 1/2oz Perle pellet hops (8.3%AA) added at 60minutes
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added at 20minutes
• 1oz Amarillo pellet hops (8.7%AA) added at 10 minutes
• 3/4oz Warrior pellet hops (17.2%AA)added between 5 and 0 minutes
• 1oz Willamette whole  hops(5.5%AA) added between 5  and 0 minutes
• 1.5oz Perle pellet hops (8.3%AA) added between  5 and 0 minutes
• WYeast 1084 Irish Ale yeast cake from Smoked Irish Red
• Expected OG: 1.092 with 5.5 gallons in carboy
• SRM: 15.3
• IBU: 132  (human taste threshold is 80-90, anything above is for bragging rights)

Now, this is how the brewday went down:

• 9:30 got woken up by a kid yelling in my ear that it was time to get out of bed
• 9:45 showered and dressed, strike water has been measured for the Double IPA (DIPA)
• 10:00  Burner is lit to heat the strike water for the DIPA.  Begin crushing grains for both batches to be brewed.  Water is measured for the Brown Ale and set aside until burner is free
• 10:38 The DIPA is mashed in into the Igloo cooler-tun.  Strike water was heated to 164*F so the  mash stabilized at 150*F  (Our oldest daughter was kind enough to inform me at this point that I had already added the 5.2 mash stabilizer to the strike water.  She will be a brewster yet!)
• 10:55 The Hippy Bro is mashed in right in the kettle.  Strike water was heated to 165*F so the mash stabilized at 154*F
• 11:50, sparge water put onto the burner to  heat for the Brown Ale
• 12:20  Sparge water for Brown Ale reaches 175, and sparging begins and runs for the next 45 minutes
• 1:00 Burner is turned on after 3 gallons have been collected for the Brown Ale
• 1:20 Brown Ale reaches a boil
• 2:20  Brown Ale boil is complete, chilling begins.   Sparge water for the DIPA is put on the burner to heat to temperature
• 3:00 Brown Ale is done and in the carboy
• Vital Statistics for the Brown Ale

OG measured 1.052 with 5.3gal in the carboy for system

efficiency of 71%

• 3:20  IPA Sparge is started.  The first runnings were absolutely clear of grain particules before I had even run off a quart of liquid.  All hail the braided hose!!!  Sparging runs for next 50 minutes
• 4:00 Burner is turned on after 2.5 gallons have been  collected for the DIPA
• 4:30 DIPA reaches a boil
• 5:35 DIPA boil is finished and chilling starts
• 6:15  DIPA is done and in the carboy.
• Vital Statistics for the DIPA

OG Measured 1.092 with 5.6 gallons in the carboy for system

efficiency of 70%

• 7AM 6/21:  DIPA  has begun blowoff.  Additional cold water added to container bin,  airlock replaced with sanitized AL foil.  No signs of life from Brown
• 7PM 6/21  DIPA blowoff finished.  Still nothing from the Brown (no starter was prepared

So, that was my brew day/ Father’s Day this year.  A good, solid 9 hours of brewing under absolutely crystal clear skies.  The slight breeze off of Lake Ontario made it bearable to stand next to large volumes of boiling  liquids all day.  It also made the sunshine seem much more innocuous than it really was.  Another weekend, another sunburn, but I just consider it job security since the company I work for designs and manufactures microscopes for non-invasive skin cancer imaging.

We will update on these beers once they are near or at their completion.  Until then, Cheers, brew well and live even better.

RYW

Change you can believe in

I am proud to announce  that, by unanimous decision, I am the undisputed champeen President of the Upstate New York Homebrewer’s Association for 2010 *cue Rocky music*.

I have a couple of cool things I would like to have the club do  in the coming year, or at least get the ball rolling towards having said things occur in the future.  It will be a fun time for all (no matter how crazy Tony thinks I am for doing this), and I am looking forward to getting right into the fray.  I don’t want to get too far into my plans or ideas here,  as this particular site is not entirely the proper forum for such things.  Just know that I have some good stuff rolling around in the large void between my ears.  As things get in the planning stages and whatnot, I will be sure to update, but for now it is neither the time, nor the place.

OK, so now that that is out of the way, do we all remember these guys?  This week marked another of their forays into beer journalism.  As many of you can tell by the lack of vitriol,  though, this article did not pertain to homebrewing.  Rather, this week’s article dealt with beer festivals.  To be completely honest, I really have no major issues with the article this week.

Actually, I will take that back.  I DO have an issue with the article this week.  Not with the content itself, but rather what it is lacking: that English Bitter recipe.

Let’s face it, we’ve  been hoodwinked.  They promised to not only guide us through the homebrewing process, but also the equipment and ingredient requirements necessary to brew an English Bitter.  So, what gives, Adam and Bryan?  I can only assume that one of two things happened:

1. They were limited to three articles on the homebrewing process, and were too verbose in the first two articles to complete the series and give the reading public what was promised.
2. They read blogs like mine, or have received many outraged emails detailing the failings of their tutorial and simply threw their hands to the sky in exasperation and futility.

OK, my arguments this week are very feeble.  Like I said, I really have no issue with their recommendations for how to enjoy a beer festival.  The only point I would probably broach is that they did not mention is the idea of doing a beer review based off of a festival pour.  My thoughts are quite simply, don’t do it.

Look, generally, if you are going to review a beer, you have a 12oz “sample” in front of you.  It is very difficult to adequately review a beer based off of a 2oz pour.  With a full 12 ounces, you can more fully experience the beer as it warms from serving temperature until the entire beer is gone.  As the beer warms, you will experience changes in aroma and flavor that are simply not present in a 2oz  pour that is very easily “shot” so your glass is empty for the next sample.  If you want to review beer that you drink at a festival, go about it this way:

• find the brewery that has piqued your interest and ask if they have any new releases or “festival only” beers on tap
• if it is a new release, ask if it has hit store shelves yet, and request this as your sample.  If you dig the sample, make a note of it and purchase a more suitable reviewing sized bottle at your local beer or grocery store.
• if there is a “festival only” beer, request that as your sample, and if the line behind you permits, request another sample when the first is finished. If you feel the need to revisit the beer later, head back to that booth and get a third sample.  It still won’t be a full serving size (12oz), but you will have a much better feel for the beer after a couple of samples than if you base everything on a 2oz  “shooter”.
• Don’t be “THAT GUY” that stands in the middle of everything plugging your review into Beer Advocate on your iPhone.  If you insist on writing notes down on festival-only brews, wait until you get home to upload them onto your computer.
• Realize that very often breweries will not send THE brewer to a beer festival.  While there are exceptions to this, it is very often a brewery rep or an intern that is at the taps.  And technically, in NY, brewery reps and employees are not allowed to actually pour the beer.  This is why you see so many people walking around in “Volunteer” shirts.  Stupid Draconian alcohol laws.
• Brewers are not impressed when beer geeks ask how many IBUs are in a particular beer, or when you (the all-knowing beer geek and self-righteous homebrewer) suggest that they use a different variety of hops.  And again, most often it is not the brewer behind the counter but a rep or an intern that will look at you like the RCA dog as you spout off technical data that makes no sense to the beer you are talking about….the only thing more sad than a sad midget clown is a drunk beer snob that thinks they know how a professional brewer should do their job.

That’s about all I have on this one. Like I said, it was pretty much a cut-and-dry article this week.  I would actually like to take a moment to display a rare moment of humble-ocity (yeah, it is a word, I just wrote it on the internet so it has to be true!!!!) and say that I harbor no ill feelings towards the Keg Lines guys.  Hey, anyone that is willing to write about beer in a newspaper and try to advocate for its movement away from the “unsophisticated man’s” drink deserves at least 1 thumb up in my book.  So they got some stuff wrong, it really isn’t the end of the world.

As the new President of UNYHA, I am sure that I will be having some correspondence with Adam and Bryan at some point.  Heck, I will even step right out and offer for them to join us at a club meeting if they are not already members of the club  (2nd Weds of every month at 7:30, Merchants St. Bar and Grill 2nd floor).

Yep, that’s it.  I’ve got nothing more.  I plan to brew this Sunday for Father’s Day (…oh yeah.  Hey Stacie, I am brewing on Father’s Day. Thanks,  love you!).  I am not completely decided on what I will be brewing.  I really want that IPA to get brewed, but I also owe a batch of Hippy Bro Nut Brown Ale to a friend.  Perhaps I will get to pull two batches out in one day.

Stay tuned for the fun-filled description of events yet to transpire.

The thing that should not be

I have Metallica in heavy rotation on my Pandora radio today.

There is a beer that I just cannot seem to get brewed.  Various brewing mishaps (detailed in humorous glory below), weather, and ill health in the form of over-indulgence the night prior have made the brewing of this beer seemingly unattainable.  The Beer Gods simply will not allow me to experiment.

It starts a few weeks back, when Tony and Joel came over so we could brew our club-sanctioned batch of beer using cocoa-nibs.  The premise of the beer is simple.  Everyone in the club gets together in various teams, and devises a recipe that would utilize cocoa nibs.  The only “rule” was that our base recipe could not have chocolate malt as a part of the grainbill.  This makes sense, as the goal of this mini-competition is to highlight the various flavors that can be coaxed from cocoa nibs.  They will not provide only a chocolate flavor and/or aroma.  At times, they will be  fruity, at times chocolatey, and there are other flavors and aromas which escape me at the moment.

We decided to use my Tasti Sparrow Porter as the base recipe for our team beer.  (Coincidentally, our team was dubbed “The Bearded Clan” by the club coordinator given the preponderance of facial hair that the  three of us possess and the name suggests a funny double entendre).  I did have to modify the recipe to exclude the normal 1-1/2lbs of Chocolate malt.  I did this by increasing the amount of Black Patent and also including some darker crystal malts so ensure that we would have a nice dark Robust Porter with some residual sweetness.  I also decided….no, I had an epiphany that we should use toasted coconut in this particular beer.  It was going to be epic, and reminiscent of the South Pacific.

Hey, I was in the throes of beer-gasmic creation.  Let me have my delusions.

Our final recipe for the beer ended up being the following (brewed on 5/23/2010):

• 10lbs Maris Otter
• 1lbs Victory Malt
• 1/2lb Cara-aroma Malt
• 1/2lb Black Patent Malt
• 1/4lb Crystal 60*L
• 1 oz Northern Brewer pellet hops (9.5%AA) added at 60 minutes
• Wyeast 1028 London Ale yeast
• 5oz Cocoa nibs added to secondary for 3 week “dry-nib”
• 4oz home toasted unsweetened coconut added to secondary for a uh…”dry-nutting” (that sounds dirty…hehehe)

OG was 1.054with 5.75 galls in primary (calculated OG was 1.063 at 5.5 gals, efficiency = 60%)

IBU was 43

color was 80-ish SRM

Brewing notes for the beer thus far are:

• Our mash temperature ended up higher than we wanted at 157 *F vs the planned-for 152*F.  I think in the long run this will benefit the finished beer by providing a good residual sweetness to accentuate the cocoa and toasted coconut.
• We did a 1 hour boil and neglected to take a preboil gravity reading..meh
• We nearly cooked the yeast, by “smacking the pack”and leaving it in the sun for 45minutes or so to allow the little yeasties to wake up and propagate.  They didn’t fully cook, but I think we did stress them a bit, as there was no yeast activity in the fermenter for a good 30 hours after pitching the yeast in there.
• Beer was racked secondary  in 6/6/10 on top of the 5oz cocoa nibs and 4oz freshly toasted unsweetened hippy organic coconut shavings.  The gravity at this point had dropped to 1.013, right as expected.  Tasting the sample proved my thoughts in residual sweetness correct.  I think this will be outstanding provided that any oil from the coconut doesn’t completely  obliterate the head.

So, that beer was done and in the carboy by 2pm on a beautiful day for brewing.  Joel had to jet off to a family event, but Tony had planned for a day of brewing and beer.  We had already brewed one batch, that left beer to be had.  A short  while into our beering, my lovely wife Stacie asked why we weren’t brewing another batch.

Ihadn’tthought of it.  It was pure genius. Of course, I was starting to feel buzzed at that point.  I took a quick look at my available ingredients and decided we had the makings of an interesting IPA.

I whipped up the following recipe for 5 gallons:

• 12lbs Fawcett Optic Pale Malt
• 3/4 lbs Dark Munich
• 1/2lbs Cara-aroma
• 1/4lbs Cara-Amber
• 2oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) as First Wort hops
• 1/2oz Warrior pellet hops (17.2%AA) added at  60minutes
• 1oz Willamette whole hops (5.5%AA) added at 10minutes
• 1/2oz Warrior pellet hops (17.2%AA)added at 5minutes
• 1oz Willamette whole  hops(5.5%AA) added at flameout
• WYeast 1084 Irish Ale yeast

We do not yet know what this beer would end up being going into the carboy.  This is the beer that Ninkasi will not allow.  The following has kept this beer from being born:

• On 5/23, we had mashed in and all was going well.  Tony  went outside to transfer the mash kettle off the burner in  order to heat the sparge water.  In so doing, my twins decided it was a good time to get under foot.  They NEVER get close when I brew.  They must have been sniffing paintchips again, because they broke the cardinal rule on this day. Tony over-corrected his positioning of the mash kettle, and down it fell on the driveway, spilling sweet wort and grain everywhere.  Luckily neither he nor the twins were burned or hurt….. My mash/boil kettle however did not survive the fall, having flattened itself  when it hit pavement.  Oddly  enough, the glass floating  thermometer did NOT shatter.   It’s all good Tony, you saved the kids and yourself from irreparable harm, showed great restraint in not throttling them for their misdeed, and I get to upgrade my brewery.  In the meantime, I will make sure Tony’s loaner kettle stays nice  and shiny for him.
• Memorial Day weekend was my next target date for trying this beer.  What I did not plan for was the wall-to-wall sunshine that Sunday that would beckon me to mow the lawn for 6 hours…. without a shirt….and forgetting the sunscreen.  Nor that night when I would get a little too deep into my cups and further dehydrate myself.  I awoke on Memorial Day hating the sunlight and the  fact that my clothing felt like sandpaper on my back.  There would be no brewing this day, only after sun lotion, Tylenol, and large amounts of water.
• And again this weekend.  Once  again, I got into it on Friday night, so Saturday had  beer very far from my mind as anything to make or consume.  Then today, when Mother Nature decided we would have a monsoon in the morning with high winds the rest of the day.

This “W-IPA”, as I have come to call it, will be brewed.  Perhaps Karma is telling me to revise the recipe.  As I look at it again, it seems a bit thin in the hopping.  Any brewers that read me, feel free to chime in with your thoughts.  This is meant to be an IPA, nothing imperial/double strength or “strip the enamel from your teeth” bitter.  Critiques are welcome.

I shall ruminate on this for the week.

I will ask myself “What would FSM Brew?” as I climb the beer volcano and keep an eye out for pirates attempting to overrun the stripper academy.

I will do all things beer-y to get myself in Ninkasi’s good graces.

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